well i'm no angel

I have done some pretty shitty things. I should own up to them. Funny thing is I've been trying to change them. Back in January when I did the things that hurt people I did it because I've been trying to change and fix the mistakes I didn't learn the first time. This week just reminded me I need to stick to them.

I had an interesting thought today

Why has it always meant to me that living life to the fullest means you must do everything right now and rush. I understand there is no day but today but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy something the way it is. I will give an example. I am dating this guy named Mike. I like him very much. We've been dating for a little over a month. I like him a and normal Jenn would be freaking out thinking why have we haven't talked about where this is going or see if the next level is coming. I like him and I know he likes me so I honestly just want to leave it at that and enjoy his company for the time being. Which is very unlike me. When I was thinking this I thought if this guy is "the one" (which by the way I refuse to believe there is just one, but that is a different blog at another time) then I have my whole life to be with him. So, I should enjoy getting to know him and after a few months take it from there Or if he isn't "the one" then why would I rush into a relationship with someone in which it is doomed to fail. Why should I not just take what we have for now and see where it goes.

This doesn't just go with relationships. I see it with my job as well. I haven't been looking for another job yet even though I hate my job immensely because I want to see where I go with this company for a year. If it works out well I'll stay, if not, then I'll look. At least then I'll have more to put on a resume and say on a interview.

My point being yes it is very important to take advantage of every opportunity, live life like it is your last day on earth by complete ling your bucket list and telling the people you care for how you feel. The whole point of living life to the fullest is to remind you to not take things for granted. Sometimes the only way to not take for granted is to not rush good things, or see where an opportunity will take you even after a year. Because if your to busy trying to see the big picture you forget the small details.

I will always try to take advantage of every opportunity that arises. I will try to complete my bucket list. But I will also try my very hardest to takes things as is and enjoy things as they come. Sometimes going with the flow is living life fully.

The Buried Life 2

One thing I did not have on my list was make the front page of the newspaper. I never thought of it actually.. but it would be damn kool. Well on Friday May, 28 2010 I did. It was my graduation day and I was all dolled up in my cap and gown, praying to God the rain holds out. As I walk into my department building I see my best college friends. We all hug and take a picture. As soon as we take a picture we get approached my a photographer by the Staten Island Advance, asking us if we will take a picture. Of course we agreed and we took about ten pictures, 9 of them being classic lovely pictures, one being a funny picture. Well the next day I get an e-mail from my father that says front page of the advance which a link is attached as well. I open it up in my blackberry and there it is, front page, where everyone can see, the funny picture. Words cannot describe the embarrassment that came over me. I was mortified, completely mortified. My mouth is open wide as if I'm screaming yeah! My hair is frizzy from the rain that followed the ceremony. I look completly stupid. Again I repeat completely mortified. I call my friends who is in the picture with me, Dave and Diana. They love it. Diana thinks we look funny. Dave is embarrassed but doesn't care because he feels like a celebrity for a day. Thank the Lord Jesus Christ in heaven my crush is out of the country on vacation. As the day goes on, the texts messages and facebook comments begin. Everyone says it's not "that bad" which implies to me that they think it's bad but not as bad as I feel. Most people say I look happy and cute. I know I've said it, I look like an idiot but I made the front page of the newspaper. I do believe that not even the real buried life crew even did that.
One more thing to add on my list. One more thing to scratch off.

GRADUATION

This week I am graduating, well having the ceremony because I graduated in January. I see it as an excuse to get off work for a day. This is because I feel I am not the same Jenny I was 6 months ago. I say that very often I know, but mostly it’s because it's true. I should be changing as in growing up; you never want to stay the same forever. Since I walked out of CSI last I have been to Europe, filed for 401k, worked 50 hours a week every week, and bought a car. I'm a grown up.
However walking in the ceremony does give this sense of accomplishment, Kind of like wrapping that pretty pink bow around my college education. I miss college every day. I miss the sense of knowledge the campus felt like. I miss learning so many different things I never thought of before. I miss questioning my life and my path. I miss learning photography and taking the classes and even the smell of the darkroom. I miss my comm classes because they were so interesting and so fun. I miss partying on a Thurs. night. I miss looking forward to spring break or winter break and certainly summer. I miss picking out my classes for the next semester. I miss reading the college newspaper and walking around the buildings reading the signs people put up. I miss being the student who always raises her hand.

LEGGINS!!!!

LEGGINS: the greatest tool a woman could use to manipulate a man since the invention of a blow job!
Woman,
do take advantage of this because all is fair in love and war BUT please take my 23 years of wisdom into consideration... if one OVER wears them they become boring to a man... use them mostly "when your the gloves are coming off!"

I haven't written because there isn't much to say

Ok, Honestly I have not written because my phone won't let me post on the website now, but mostly because there is nothing to report. I go to work, come home, rest for three hours, go to bed and start it all over again. I have become a sad, boring person. I do wanna just relax, I do feel like going to grad school is not in the cards for me yet. But i do miss the adventures. Going to Europe changed me, I mean I was always an adventurous person, Europe was the ultimate adventure. Now that it's over I see how I've grown an changed. Now I'm working everyday. My whole purpose in life is just work, and try to party on the weekends. I want another adventure. I'm looking for one, hopefully one will come.

and again

Again I expect something from someone and he doesn't come through with what he says he will. Its my own fault I just wish God I would actually live and and not expect much. Please. Now I'm praying for it.