the buried life

What do you want to do before you die? My entire life I would have said go to europe. It has always been to go to europe because that seriously was my dream. Well I can actually scratch that off thanks to the many blessings from God. Now I don't know what to say. Many times I've attempted a bucket list but I would always put stuff on it that I've already accomplished. Because to be honest I am the type of person if I really wanna do something I will do it like go to europe or get my belly button (and nipple) pierced or swim with dolphins. Those were incredible experiences that many people cannot say they did. I guess the reason why I was always to scared to actually make a list of things to do I was always afraid I would feel like I failed. I guess you can say my idea of failure is setting out to do something and not accomplish them. Well I adore the buried life because those four guys are inspirational to me at least. This list I will make it is not a list I will finish and I will not say I will scratch them all off. I will just say it will be a list of things that will be pretty damn cool to do. This list will probably also be added to in future entries because again it will never ever be finished. Here is the start of of this list of pretty damn cool things to do: 1. Go back to europe. 2. Be in a movie. 3. Skydive/bungee jump (like I would ever have the courage). 4. Publish a book. 5. Fall in deep and passionate love. 6. Get married. 7. Dance with ellen de generous. Now that would be freaking kool. 8. Volunteer for project hospitality, americorps, or some other pretty awesome charity. 9. Have a kid. 10. Live in gorgeous Manhattan loft. 11. Travel to Egypt. 12. Learn another language fluently. 13. Fool a pool shark and win $100 bucks. (Seriously that would be cool). 14. Learn to play an instrument. (This one may come true because it's not to far fetch.). 15. Dance the tango at a club in Buenos Aires. (Strange but just like al pacino). 16. Travel down under. (NZ or Aussie). 17. Buy a house. 18. Get a tattoo. 19. Start my own successful business. (Would be damn cool but most likely not my career path.). 20. Ride on the back of a motorcycle. (Seriously that would be so freaking cool.). For now my list of things that would be freaking cool has 20 items. I only want it to grow and honestly never be completed or scratched off.

amazing dreams

Have you ever had such an awesome dream that seams so real or has your biggest wish come true. It's so bitter sweet. I woke up this morning smiling because of this amazing dream I had but I was and still am sad because it can't come true. I am happy I had the dream though because even if in real life it can't come true, at least we can be together in my dreams.

ive been way to blessed this yr

I am been very blessed so far in 2010. I graduated, went to europe where I had the time of my life. I got a full time job which I kinda hate but I don't care because its a job, I mean dude money, benefits etc. Now I just bought a brand new car. I am terrified because it's to much. No one gets so much in such a short time. A. I feel its not right for me to get so much when there are millions beyond millions people in this world better than me and they don't have all that I do. B. Because when someone gets good things come to them bad things get piled on as well and they are terrible and they come in threes. I almost would give something to someone else who deserves a break just because I'm afraid of all the bad shit that will happen. The year 2004 is clear proof of this. In church many years ago I heard that if you bless others God will bless you. If you bless God and his church and word He will bless you ten fold. Well I bless God and his teachings. I bless his church and his choir. I just pray I don't loose it all.

since i know no one reads this i can actually write what i feel

Ok I understand it is the year 2010, and I understand along with breaking that glass sealing we also stated to the world "men we can open our doors." But sometimes its nice to feel special once in awhile. Ok here it goes. I have a friend who has a friend she likes that lives in florida. This friend in florida is trying to convince her to go to florida for a visit. Well not so much trying to convince her but just being so incredible charming that makes her want to go even after he tells her hey come to florida. But she is the girl. He is the guy. She wants to go but she's afraid for two reasons: a. Because she doesn't know him that well. And b. Because she doesn't want to be the girl who makes the jump for the guy. When The guy who does it looks romantic. The girl looks desperate and needy. Its almost sad to say because I pride myself in being independent. I am the one who went to europe by myself. I am the one who broke up with a man ready to go out and buy the ring even though I knew I would be set for life because I knew we weren't truly happy. I still feel it should be the guy. I'm not a embarrassed. I do not feel like it compromises my independence. It's just how I feel. The guy should make the move. I made the first move with men before and it doesn't work out. I want to be the girl that is special enough for the guy to make that move. That would be if its me. For me I feel its hard enough to believe the guy actually means what he says and he is being true but now men are expecting us risk it all. I just know I don't think I could risk my pride and especially my heart.

just goes to show

I just had the best conversation with someone who speaks english very little and i barely speak spanish. It truly goes to show one should never let a language barrier come between you and someone else. I just made a new friend and I am grateful for that today.

I heard this weekend the most amazing revolutionary sentence since "he"s just not that into you." Ladies brace yourself, Men keep certain girls around because they need someone to fall back on. Usually it is a good girl and usually this girl has more than one man who uses her for this purpose. It's not the girl's fault it's just she is a catch and most men that pass through her life will keep going back. When I heard this it all made sense. Every guy that has ever did me wrong came back and tried to start up again. Why? Because men, from what my friend told me, are afraid to be alone but want to be single. So they keep good girls around to fall back on. Use a chair douche bags!!

understanding doesn't make me feel better

In three months my group of school friends have been through a lot. We graduted and now out lives have changed. Within these last three months I lost two friends from the group. One went back home and the other, well it's complicated. Just because I understand why our group isn't what it was anymore doesn't take the pain away. I do get it. I broke up with Jeff and James went home, but it's a shame it couldn't stay the same.