since i know no one reads this i can actually write what i feel

Ok I understand it is the year 2010, and I understand along with breaking that glass sealing we also stated to the world "men we can open our doors." But sometimes its nice to feel special once in awhile. Ok here it goes. I have a friend who has a friend she likes that lives in florida. This friend in florida is trying to convince her to go to florida for a visit. Well not so much trying to convince her but just being so incredible charming that makes her want to go even after he tells her hey come to florida. But she is the girl. He is the guy. She wants to go but she's afraid for two reasons: a. Because she doesn't know him that well. And b. Because she doesn't want to be the girl who makes the jump for the guy. When The guy who does it looks romantic. The girl looks desperate and needy. Its almost sad to say because I pride myself in being independent. I am the one who went to europe by myself. I am the one who broke up with a man ready to go out and buy the ring even though I knew I would be set for life because I knew we weren't truly happy. I still feel it should be the guy. I'm not a embarrassed. I do not feel like it compromises my independence. It's just how I feel. The guy should make the move. I made the first move with men before and it doesn't work out. I want to be the girl that is special enough for the guy to make that move. That would be if its me. For me I feel its hard enough to believe the guy actually means what he says and he is being true but now men are expecting us risk it all. I just know I don't think I could risk my pride and especially my heart.

just goes to show

I just had the best conversation with someone who speaks english very little and i barely speak spanish. It truly goes to show one should never let a language barrier come between you and someone else. I just made a new friend and I am grateful for that today.

I heard this weekend the most amazing revolutionary sentence since "he"s just not that into you." Ladies brace yourself, Men keep certain girls around because they need someone to fall back on. Usually it is a good girl and usually this girl has more than one man who uses her for this purpose. It's not the girl's fault it's just she is a catch and most men that pass through her life will keep going back. When I heard this it all made sense. Every guy that has ever did me wrong came back and tried to start up again. Why? Because men, from what my friend told me, are afraid to be alone but want to be single. So they keep good girls around to fall back on. Use a chair douche bags!!

understanding doesn't make me feel better

In three months my group of school friends have been through a lot. We graduted and now out lives have changed. Within these last three months I lost two friends from the group. One went back home and the other, well it's complicated. Just because I understand why our group isn't what it was anymore doesn't take the pain away. I do get it. I broke up with Jeff and James went home, but it's a shame it couldn't stay the same.

womans intuition?

I've never been the type of person to have a intuition. I don't believe all woman to have it because I never did. So when something is telling me not to trust you I'm not sure if its intuition or paranoia. If you never had it before why would it come now right? Does intuition come to anyone, Or do you have to always have it? Maybe I quit feeling and try looking for signs and tell my brain what to do.

daydreaming

Lately I have been getting tired of daydreaming. Whether its a silly one, a fantasy, or whatever its making me sad afterward. I know it won't happen so it makes me depressed a little. Why daydream then?

maybe more is my fault then i let on

Dare I say I've even made mistakes in my past. Even in relationships. It is hard to believe I know because I've been so disappointed by men lately or my whole life. I do have this stick up my ass I understand. However, I am growing older and with that comes wisdom. This new found wisdom I have discovered within myself is even a little shocking to myself. Maybe I should not be in a any relationship now. I know I want to be single and be by myself. But the shocking part is I like being alone. I don't want to have to call a guy and say I am home from work. I do not have to split my time. I enjoy being a little selfish. I haven't decided if this is sad or good. But wither way I'm going to enjoy my limited time being selfish.